They shortlisted already and a day before the casting call, there was an announcement saying that they are opening to all between 4pm-6pm.
I didn't know whether to go or not go. This was something completely different. Honestly, i just, you know, what the heck, lets gain some life experience!
I did this one mistake in the past and that is, not taking the chance when theres one right in front of me. For instance, i changed schools 5 times, and during Form 4&5 i was in a new school, it was so hard to find my place in my new school, to feel belonging, in group discussions, id be the quiet one, even if i had something to say, id shut nah it wont matter they're better than me, my thoughts are dumb, I was so uncomfortable with saying something publicly. I came to realize that, im the problem, im the one giving myself such a hard time. So in form 5, i started doing things, taking chances whenever i could, if i could dance on stage, i went for it. Slam poetry? won. And i was so much happier and confident with myself.
This is what made me become pinkdurian.
So when i saw this, i just said to myself, i might learn something from this. So at 3.45 i left the house, drove all the way to Hatta Dolmat Couture, Shah Alam. And when i parked my car, i literally felt like I DONT WANT TO DO THIS OMG SHOULD I GO BACK HOME? and when i saw other girls passing....Lagi lah insecureeeee! In the end, i found my chill.
Entering the shop, there were filled with around 40 girls! not even including the 36 shortlisted ones! Just smiled and registered etc. I was reading the benefits of being the face of HattaHijab and the terms and conditions, that was when i knew, this is not for me and also i didnt feel like wanting change to hattahijab_pinkdurian, hope they'll take hattahijab_anisah instead haha. I mean, i cant do all this! They need someone with a whole lot of experience in the industry! I really felt like i was going to make a fool out of myself haha.
But i dont want to be a quitter, there were so many confident girls around me! All i felt was, why cant i just be them, having the strong urge to atleast try, all confident & fierce, why cant i.......ACTUALLY I CAN. I CAN BE. If i prove to myself i can go through this, thats good enough for me. Just have fun! I told myself.
They interviewed 4 girls at once, 4 judges, @hattadolamt_ himself, @Veliciousvass from Instyle Mag, @didiyanaehsan Hijab Stylist & @Izaiskandar a Model. All the judges were so down to earth and humorous and very hungry at the time! All nibblin on Dominos. Which actually toned down the anxious environment, kinda felt we were all chilling for a second there.
I decided to speak in english because i felt more comfortable. The girl beside me, she owned the interview mann, and to be standing next to her, gave me elephants in my stomach, not butterflies k. She was actually the first person they announced for TOP 12! I was so blank, so nervous, reminding myself to breathe, i didn't even mention that i was blogger. I kinda mumbled alot.
They asked: why do you want to be the face of HattaHijab?
I replied: I just want to give confidence to people, it is true that if you have beauty you have confidence, but i want to radiate confidence so that other people would feel like, they're confident without beauty and thats what is important! Yeah imagine that with x100 speed,mumbles,stutters and umm um umms.
Velicious came in a said your posture, your slouched shoulder dosent show confidence but when you speak, yes i can hear confidence.
(which is true....ill work on that)
I also told them my idol is Dina Tokio! hehe. Then we had to style a hijab in 2 minutes, i sucked at this, i suck at styling without youtube's guidance, in the end, i decided to take this bright mustard yellow that looked like its not the first thing anybody would lay their eyes on. Also, yellow is my favourite colour anyway. Because i was so bad it, let's see if HattaHijab does the job for me, cant play with style, lets play with colours.
Judges asked: Why did you take this?
I replied: hmm i don't think people will reach for this colour, maybe its too bright, but basically i want to show people that you can actually wear anything and be confident in it.
To know you did your best: Just be honest, and be yourself, even if in a nervous state, try your absolute best to say what comes to mind. Let the 100% you shine (mutters, stumbles, shakey included)
I DID THE INTERVIEW. IM NOT GOING TO BE CHOSEN BUT WHATEVER I WENT THROUGH WITH ITTTT YAAAAAY! I even told my mum confidently, Ma i am absolutely sure i didnt get it, there were so many other beautiful & talented girls, but i went through it and im so proud of myself! I know whats my flaws and ill improve on them.
Around 11pm, I was in my room, just lying down, editing my photos. Tingg! you've been tagged in a photo. Opened it up, What. WHAAAAAAAAAAAA.
This happened. My nervous face popped up. omg times a gazillion.
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This was so unexpected. I ran to my mum straight to tell her the news. And after that had to sing me some taylor just to calm me a little. I am prepared to LEARN what i can, do the best within my capabilities and be true to myself, always. Thank you to all the judges, the Hatta Dolmat team and Hatta himself for giving me the opportunity, for seeing something in me. This will be an unforgettable experience for me. From the bottom of my heart, I truly appreciate it.
In the end i thought, take every chance you get in a life, because some things only happen once.